new yr is arriving.n i don't hab much anticipation over it. nort tat i hate new yr or somethiin but i jux dun feel eager in lookin-forward to it but i'm delighted bout` de fact dat i hab ang baos to collect n thus more money to splurge on shoppin.[beams] I'm missin some1, soo much so dat i'm crazy. utterly mad..someone dat is realli dear to me. i loorve hiim but i noe i can't reciprocate siighs. And now someone dear to me ish somehow drifting further away from me. I just can't describe wad i'm feeling exactly. But to be more precise... the someone seems to neglect me. The one tut that by givin us enuff money wuld replace de times one wun be spending on us. siighs dat's isst de fact.to tell ya , i realli hate it. neways i can't kaire much bout it. tat's one life. i hab no rites to interfere nor to interrogate. if one thks dat one noes wad one ish doiin. let it be. right now i jux wanna set my piorities rite. studies, dreams. neways aft reading a mag bout the rite time to date. i was thkin. if any1 wasn't realli prepared or commited to a r/s mayb it's becas ya're nt ready. n y start a r/s ,den ?? eager or peer pressure from frens? either or neither one ? i don't fall into any categories. but aft much tuts. i thk i'm moree of de finding some1 to caree fer me. n dat's definitely a selfish tut. i'm lonely. tat's all. absurd! tis r excuses fer me to fall into a r/s . now i realise i m darrn wrong. i shan't be havin such tuts. i dun't seem to be commited. try thking bout it, i wuldn't wanna sacrifice my time fer r/s wen i thk i'm alrdy packed in my schedule. the endless learnings. studyin n coping wiit stress. frens n more frens. r/s just has to stand aside fer de time beiing. i'm not willing to squeeze in moree time. so fer now. wanna concentrate on other stuffs. r/s ish de below my list. n mayb i can sae fer the time beiing i haven met de one who's willing to spend the rest of his lifee wiit me. absoutelymadness. fancy havin such an idea at the age of 17+ wen i still hab a long way to go. siighs wun one feels tired aft so much of a failed r/s ?? so much of the distrust of humans..lovin someone over agaiin. sayin yes i loorve ya to so many diff peps. do i realli loorve dem or izt i'm obliged to sae it becas i hab to sae it or i truly loorve dem? is dis a phase of life u shld hab gone thru to grow or avoided to be hurt?wad's de true definition of loorve? i'm ignorant.
